So here we go again… another day, another week… the last few days have been tough as hell… it’s difficult to decide what to do and when you don’t fit in anyone’s busy schedule you start to feel lonely and left out. It’s an incredibly depressing state of mind but i like to think of it as a learning curve, a curve that’ll make me strong and more resilient. I know not where this will lead to but I am optimistic (as always) though the optimism fades away ever so often these days. I haven’t met kh in like a month or so… our talks frequently range between “nothing” and “you say”. It’s like as if some people couldn’t care less. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed but I am and it makes it all the more bitter.
I wish life wouldn’t keep throwing more complication at me. Just when I think things couldn’t get worse or now things are getting better, life throws another sucker punch at me.
Work-wise, things are grand… I wish I could just enjoy all this success somehow… 🙁
j j j
A new week starts and I am writing this entry before I do anything today at work. I want this week to go well and I want the week to go well with Kh. We had a bitter discussion last night, which spilled over to the morning… I know I shouldn’t be so harsh but I can’t help it, there are times that reason and self-control gets tossed to the winds and I end up regretting everything I say. I apologized but I don’t think it’s of much use. I wish things weren’t this way, I wish they were better off.
All my articles will be written this week so I’ll be more like a free bird by Friday. The grind of searching for new stories will start by this time next week.
Met Kunal yesterday! The lad hasn’t changed one bit and it was such great fun to be with him again! I had forgotten how it was to be arrogant and care-free, to be able to say what you want, knowing that the person am talking to is an understanding ear and will not deduce my rants in any other way, will not say that I “crib” too much. Finally someone I can relate to, who understands what it’s like to live alone, away from your parents, to be the “good boy” in every relatives eyes. Am sick of it all. I wish I were staying in a place where I didn’t have so many relatives and their accompanying responsibilities. I hope he gets through his interviews and Shru comes down here to be with him. It’ll be like the past then. We not really but pretty close. Do I cling onto the past too much? Should just let go of it all? Sometimes I think I should. But I have such strong memories and it’d be downright difficult to put it all away, “under the sofa”.
The thing with Kh is still playing on my mind as I write this… I wish there was any way to tell her that there is nothing that I would do to make her unhappy and that I feel totally pathetic right now. Sigh…
Anyways, back to work!
j j j